Yes, kissing ass can help you get ahead. But studies have also shown that when it’s obvious it can backfire.The following seven techniques for ingratiation and influence are most effective in moving up the corporate ladder without looking like a kiss-ass:
没错，拍马屁确实能帮助你平步青云，不过研究也表明，当你的奉承太过明显的时候，那反而会弄巧成拙。下面介绍七种最有效的溜须拍马之术，不仅能让你扶摇直上，还能让你拍马屁也不着痕迹。
1.Frame flattery as likely to make the boss uncomfortable. …one manager noted that he commonly prefaces flattering remarks with such phrases as “I don’t want to embarrass you but. . . ,” or “I know you won’t want me to say this but. . . ,” or “You’re going to hate me for saying this but…
1.先抑后扬地拍马屁。有一个经理表示，他经常面对诸如此类的恭维话语：“我不想让你觉得尴尬，但是……”，或“我知道你不希望我提起，但是……”，或“我说了你恐怕要怪我，但是……”
2.Frame flattery as advice seeking. …One manager suggested, “. . . if I wanted someone else to know that I admire him, rather than saying ‘I really admire you,’ I would be more likely to ask him for advice: ‘How were you able to pull off that strategy so successfully?’ something like that . . . the basic question is, how can I replicate your success?” Such questions frame flattery as an attempt to learn from alter rather as an attempt to curry favor…”
2.寻求建议式的拍马屁。一位经理建议说，“……假如我想让某人知道我很崇拜他，与其说‘我崇拜你’，我更倾向于向对方寻求建议：‘你怎么能做到那么成功地推动那条战略的?’诸如此类。这类的模板是，我要如何复制你的成功?”这样的马屁就好像我是想从对方身上学到什么，而不是想要巴结他。”
3.Argue prior to agreeing with the boss. “…A focal actor may reduce the likelihood that opinion conformity is interpreted as ingratiation by challenging an influence target’s opinion prior to agreeing with him or her. The focal actor’s expression of agreement is then more likely to be interpreted as a genuine affirmation of alter’s opinion rather than as an attempt to curry favor…”
3.赞成老板的意见之前先提出异议。“一个优秀的演员会先提出反对意见，再赞同老板的意见，通过这种方式拍马屁就会不着痕迹。因为这种赞同表现得更像是一种对别人意见的充分肯定而不是在溜须拍马。”
4.Find out the boss’s position without asking him, then mention it in front of him as your own.…As one manager suggested, “. . . if you just keep agreeing with the boss it might seem like you’re sucking up . . . but if you find out the boss’ opinion on a policy from talking to his friend and then later in talking to the boss you raise the same opinion . . . it would come across as more sincere.”
4.在不问本人的前提下得知老板的立场，然后在他面前以你的立场的形式提出。一位经理这么说，“假如你总是同意你老板的意见或许会显得你在拍马屁……但是如果你通过和老板的朋友聊天找出了老板关于某个政策的意见，然后在和你老板讲话时提出相同的意见……那就显得诚恳多了。”
5.Complimenting the boss to the boss’s friend. As one manager put it, “. . . complimenting someone to his face is kind of obvious brown-nosing, or at least suspect. If you regularly say nice things about him to his friend though, he [the influence target] will almost always find out about it eventually, and it will mean a lot more when he does.”
5.在老板的朋友面前夸他。一位经理这么说，“在本人面前拍马屁显然是非常谄媚的，至少是可疑的。但是如果你总在老板的朋友面前说一些关于他的好话，他(你想恭维的目标)迟早会发现的，而且那对他来说也会比当面拍马屁要更加有意义。”
6.Show the boss you have the same values. …As one manager suggested, “I’ve found that a good way to begin a discussion is to make some reference to something that’s important to me personally and that I have reason to believe is important to the other person—sometimes it’s my religious conviction, sometimes it’s my commitment to environmental protection, sometimes it’s my family . . . [when asked why:] they’re more likely to trust whatever I say afterward.”
6.向老板的价值观看齐。一位经理说，“我发现开启讨论的一个好办法是：从我觉得重要的观点入手，我觉得重要的东西对其他人来说应该也是很重要的。这些重要的东西可以是宗教信仰，或者对环境保护的认同，或者是我的家人……如果对方向我询问理由了，那么我之后说的话就更容易被相信了。”
7.Mention a group membership that the two of you have in common. …As one manager put it, “If I’m trying to influence someone I might start the conversation by mentioning a group or organization that I know we both belong to . . . [when asked what sort of group:] might be a political party, a religious organization . . . [when asked why:] I think it helps build trust so you can be more convincing.”
7.提起一个和你有共同点的团队成员。一位经理说，“假如我试图影响某人，我会通过提起一个我们都从属于的组织或圈子来开启对话。(如果问我有那些圈子的话)那或许是一个政治党派，一个宗教组织”……(如果问我为什么的话)我认为那有助于建立信任，那样我就可以更有说服力。”
